I'm From Weatherfield - Get Me Out Of Here
by TheLyricsAreMyStory
Summary: My own spin on the series 'I'm a Celebrity'; Carla, Nick, Tracy, Michelle, Steve, Jason, Norris, Gail, David and Kate are all sent into the jungle, but will they pull together to try and survive in the wild?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: I'm From Weatherfield, Get Me Out Of Here.**

The sun rises over the rooftops thus signalling another day of drama in Coronation Street. Norris is up, clearing the cobbles with his sweeping brush outside the Kabin. Liz is already smoking her morning cigarette in the ginnel. Amy was waking the family up by the sound of her violin and Kylie was making rounds of toast to cater for the large extended family that lives under their roof.

Other people however, were not looking as lively at this time in the morning. Such as Nick and Carla, who were still in bed, unsurprisingly.

"Uhh." She moans, hitting the alarm clock as it goes off again.

"That things gonna break." Nick grumbles, turning onto his side to look at her.

"Don't care." She mutters, her eyes still closed.

"You used to live off going to work." He prompts her.

"Yeah but now I've got Aidan buzzing round me like a bee." She sighs. "I just need a break you know, get away."

"Milan? New York?" Nick lists.

"Anywhere." She croaks. "A jungle for all I care, as long as it's away from here."

"A jungle?" He laughs. "You would hate it in the jungle."

"Oh, have experience do we?" She finally opens her eyes to look at him. "I could hack a jungle Nicholas, I'm tougher than you think."

"...Well then." He grins. "Prove it."

"How?" She frowns, aware he had something up his sleeve.

"You'll see." He bites his lip before pulling himself out of bed, responded to with several impatient cries from Carla as she begged him to tell her what was on his mind.

* * *

"Have you made me a brew yet?" Norris asks Rita, over in the Kabin as he sorts through the mornings papers.

"What did your last slave die of?" Rita rolls her eyes, placing the mug down next to him. "Honestly, me at work, Emily at home, we have to wait on you hand and foot. What would you do if you had to fend for yourself?"

"I could cope perfectly fine on my own thank you." He bats her away, irritated. "Very independent me."

"Oh yeah." Rita nods sarcastically. "I'll bet."

"I am." He points a finger at her. "One day I'll show you."

* * *

"What you reading?" Michelle asks Steve as he rifles through a booklet he had been intent on reading all morning.

"A book on the Amazon Rainforest." He mumbles.

"...That's very educational for you." She frowns and he gives her a look.

"What do you mean? For me?" He sulks. "I went to those history classes remember? Passed didn't I?"

"Yes well sorry." Michelle flashes him a smile. "You are very intelligent."

"Did you know, every second, 1.5 acres of the rainforest is being destroyed?" He informs her.

"Every second?" She questions. "Surely that can't be right..."

"According to this book it is." He prods it harshly. "Maybe we should go before it's too late..."

"...To a rainforest?" She practically laughs out loud.

"Well yeah, rainforest, jungle, somewhere exotic." Steve shrugs.

"The Maldives are exotic." Michelle reminds him. "I'd happily go there."

"I mean somewhere different." He persists. "Somewhere we've never experienced before..."

* * *

"Aidan!" Kate yells, trying to grab her spoon back as if they were still little kids.

"Will you both be quiet?" Johnny asks, sipping his coffee as Aidan reluctantly gives her back her cutlery.

"Ready to pack some boxes this morning?" Aidan teases.

"Ready to walk around the factory as if you own the place?" Kate snaps.

"I do own the place." He retaliates.

"No you don't." She glares at him. "Dad and Carla do. Not you, you stole the money remember? _My_ money."

"It wasn't _your_ money." Aidan argues.

"Will you two just shut up?" Johnny raises his voice. "You're acting like kids the pair of you."

"It's only cause she's daddy's little princess." Aidan jibes. "You should stick her somewhere desolate and see how she copes then. The arctic or a jungle or something."

"Bring it on." Kate glares at him.

* * *

"Are you gonna help me shift this or not?" Gary asks as Jason sits on the steps of the builders yard, eating a bacon butty.

"You're doing a pretty good job of it yourself." He yawns, a slight grin on his face.

"I wouldn't have gotten away with that kind of attitude when I was in the army." He persists.

"Good job I'm not in the army then." Jason shrugs.

"Yeah 'cause you're too chicken." Gary teases. "It'd be too tough for a pretty boy like you."

"Oh it so would not." Jason rolls his eyes.

"Army training; early starts, small meals, sleeping on the floor..." He lists. "You don't get a shower every morning y'know? And you get extremely mucky-"

"Yes, I could do that." Jason cuts him off. "I could easily do that."

* * *

"What's this?" Tracy screws her nose up at an ugly ornament from one of the boxes she was sorting through.

"Ah, that's some historical artefact." Todd informs her from behind the counter. "Made from materials from the Congo Jungle."

"...And you believed that?" She raises her eyebrows at him angrily. "Todd it looks like something my nana Blanche would have made from bits of tat around the house."

"Could be worth a lot that." He persists.

"Who's gonna buy this?" She interrogates. "People come in here looking for musical instruments or speakers or engagement rings... Not... Ageing rubbish from the _Colo_ Rainforest."

" _Congo_." Todd corrects and she glares at him. "And it's a jungle."

"Oh what's the difference?" She yells exasperatedly, throwing the ornament back in the box.

* * *

"Max eat it." David sighs, pointing to his chicken nuggets.

"Not hungry." He folds his arms.

"Max." David scolds. "Gail will you help me?"

"With what?" She deludes, piping mashed potato onto a pie she had made.

"Get him to eat his tea." David orders.

"Well isn't that your job?" She inquires.

"...Max eat one more then you can finish." He negotiates but he shakes his head. "Ok, well then maybe I'll stop making your dinner. Or better still, you can earn your dinner by doing chores. Then you'll wish you didn't take it for granted."

"David! You can't say that." Gail scolds him.

"Go on up to your room." He sighs, taking Max's plate off him.

"I wish you'd all disappear." Max yells, rushing away from the table. "I wish you were far far away so you didn't boss me around anymore!"

* * *

As night draws in, the residents of Coronation Street prepare for bed. David has tried and failed to get through to Max, who had now gone to sleep, angry at him. Gail sat at the table, observing her son's anxious expression whilst eating a piece of chocolate cake. Tracy reads Amy a bedtime story before she falls asleep, turning her light out, she kisses her on the forehead before going back to her own room. Kate flops down on her bed after a hard day at work and falls asleep instantly, not bothering to remove her make-up. Steve is snoring away when Michelle finally finishes up with last orders, she turns the light out and snuggles up next to him. Norris has fallen asleep in front of the TV, sherry in one hand, TV remote in the other. Jason carries a bag of chips home late, sneaking them up to his bedroom so he doesn't have to share them. Nick has covered Carla over with a blanket as he often does when she falls asleep on the sofa. He removes the glass of wine from her hand and turns the light out after whispering 'I love you'.

Then all is silent, as the night proceeds...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: I'm From Weatherfield, Get Me Out Of Here.**

Carla is the first to wake, confused at why the bed is so uncomfortable. There were things poking into her, she was sure of it. Plus there was a very faint smell of burning in the air...

She sits up suddenly, frozen to the spot as her eyes adjust to her surroundings. She wasn't at home, in her bed, with Nick.

She hadn't fallen asleep in the gutter after a drunken night out.

She hadn't woken up on her boyfriends sofa or awakened to the cramping in her neck that comes from sleeping in her chair at the factory.

Instead, she was in a completely new environment.

"WHAT THE HELL?" She suddenly screams, finally reaching the realisation that she was alone, in a jungle. She jumps up instantly, soon aware that she was sat in a pile of dirt, her hair was tangled and one of her arms was sore from where she had leant on it. "Ew!" She yelps, brushing herself down before hearing a rustling noise. It was something coming to eat her, she was sure of it.

"Carla?" A noise comes from behind her and she spins around to face David, who is looking just as confused as her as he emerges from the bushes. "...What the hell is going on?"

"Well I was about to ask you the same question." She frets. "Look at my hair!"

"Is that what you look like with no make-up on?" David teases her, as if this was some sort of game.

"Not the time!" She yells, searching for some kind of indicator to signal what was happening.

"Is it just us?" David reverts to a more serious tone.

"Don't go getting any ideas." She warns him. "I'm with your brother remember."

"Yeah well where is he then?" He asks and she gulps.

* * *

Nick wakes peacefully with his arm around his girlfriend, he refuses to open his eyes and instead lies, breathing in the scent of her hair. He could hear the sounds of birds chirping very clearly and thought perhaps he had left the window open...

Tracy shifts uncomfortably, immediately confused as to why Robert was sleeping next to her, she was sure he didn't stay over last night. She turns her head and places a kiss onto his lips sleepily.

"This is a nice surprise..." She murmurs but he suddenly shivers at the sound of her voice, moving backwards instantly. She snaps her eyes open and her eyes focus on not Robert, but Nick Tilsley.

"AHHHH!" Tracy screams, shifting herself backwards and hitting something hard as she does so. It's then that she finally processes what was going on around her. She wasn't at home, she was in some kind of forest. Nick clocks it at the same time as her and they both look round in bemusement, completely shocked by what was happening.

"...What the hell is going on?" Nick mutters to himself.

"What were we doing sleeping together?" Tracy argues, pulling a face.

"Not the priority right now Tracy." He retorts. "We appear to be in some sort of..."

"Jungle." She finishes his sentence and they both stare at each other in bewilderment before snapping their heads round at the sound of footsteps.

"...Someone tell me I'm dreaming." Jason whispers as he claps his eyes on Tracy and Nick.

* * *

Carla folds her arms defensively around herself, screwing her nose up at the desolate surroundings.

"You ought to take that off." David indicates to her leather jacket. "It's boiling."

"No way." She argues. "This is top of the range this, I'm not having it lying in this dump."

"HELP!" There is a sudden yell from some nearby bushes and David exchanges a look with Carla before going over to explore the mysterious noise.

"Norris?" David frowns, slowly followed by Carla as they peer down into the ditch where Norris is lying. His glasses are askew and he is trying to grasp any sense of direction.

"Is that David Platt?" Norris questions. "Get out of my house."

"We're not in your house." Carla tells him. "Sorry to disappoint."

"Ey?" He mutters as David helps him up and puts his glasses back in position. It takes him a while as he squints, taking everything in. "...What's going on?"

"Well we appear..." David hesitates, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "...To be in some kind of jungle."

"Oh yeah, well done genius." Carla scoffs. "Brownie points for you."

"Well I don't want to be in a jungle." Norris argues. "Take me home. Now."

"Oh ok, I'll just get my Porsche." Carla snaps. "Yeah it's just over there in its garage, be right back."

"Oh shut up." David moans, covering his head in his hands. "What are we gonna do?"

* * *

"So let me get this straight." Jason sits himself down on a log, staring intently at both Tracy and Nick, who were now seated as far away from each other as possible. "...We went to bed last night, perfectly fine, everything was normal... And then we just wake up in a jungle?"

"Correct." Nick points at him.

"...Are you sure this isn't a dream?" Jason asks, looking around cautiously.

"Well if it is, we're all having the same one." Tracy eyes up an ants nest which is only a few metres from where she is sat.

"Well who do we have here?" Kate asks, standing on a mound of plants, hands on hips. "Nice to know I'm not on my own."

"...Do you know what's going on?" Jason's eyes narrow as he stands to help her down.

"Do I heck." She shakes her head. "I was hoping one of you could tell me."

"Yeah well you thought wrong." Nick corrects her as she sits herself down next to Jason.

"So... What's the plan?" Her eyes sparkle slightly as if she was actually excited about the current situation.

* * *

"I'm flipping melting." Carla moans, fanning herself with a large leaf she had found.

"Yeah that'd be because you still have your jacket on." He points out and she glares at him before removing it reluctantly.

"Gimme a boost." She orders as she points to a branch on a nearby tree.

"Flamin' hell." He sighs, holding his hand out so she could support herself on it, linking her jacket over the end of the branch. "There, you got yourself a wardrobe. Happy now?"

"Happy?" She raises her eyebrows and is about to retaliate something before someone calls out her name.

"Carla?" She whips her head around at the sound of her best friends voice, who was making her way towards them with Steve.

"Chelle!" She yells as they run towards each other, hugging when they unite.

"Mate." Steve greets David. "What the flipping heck is-"

"I don't know." He cuts him off.

"Why is Norris collecting leaves?" Michelle frowns, remaining relatively calm about the situation.

"He's looking for tea leaves..." David drones. "To make his morning brew."

"...Oh." She nods, exchanging a look with Steve before hugging Carla again.

"Do you think we ought to try and you know? Get out of here?" Carla persists, as if it hadn't crossed anyone's minds. "I have a meeting with McKnees at three."

"...Yeah somehow I think they're gonna have to move it to another day." David glares at her.

"No seriously David..." Michelle shakes her head. "I remember McKnees, you don't want to leave them waiting."

"Fine." He snaps, rolling his eyes. "You lead the way then, off you go. NORRIS, WE'RE MOVING, COME ON!"

"I need my jacket first." Carla points to it quietly and Steve takes the liberty of getting it down for her as David was too short. "Thank you."

* * *

"Maybe we should start trying to find an exit or something." Nick suggests, bored of carving shapes into the dirt with a stick.

"I'd like to know how the hell I got here." Tracy argues, pacing around in circles.

"We all would." Jason rolls his eyes. "But unfortunately no one has an answer to that question so..."

"I just saw a big beetle." Everyone suddenly turns at the sound of a new voice. "Massive it was, climbing the tree trunk over there."

"Mum?" Nick stammers, as he sees Gail heading towards them. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I'd like to ask you the same question." She argues, once she reaches the group.

"Oh great." Tracy whines. "This just gets even better... Gail Platt has joined the squad."

"Did you see anyone else?" Nick asks her, ignoring Tracy's witty comment.

"Just this huge beetle." She continues. "It had blue wings and everything-"

"Yeah ok, I don't care about that." Nick drones.

"Do you know what's going on?" She asks him.

"Surprisingly not." Kate answers. "However I do think we should start trying to get out of here."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Jason asks. "I mean, if there's more people around we don't want to lose them."

"Oh who cares about anyone else?" Tracy snaps.

"Well you don't." Jason retaliates and she glares at him. "...Come on, let's go, the sooner we get out of here the better."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: I'm from Weatherfield, Get Me Out Of Here.**

"I swear to God if it starts raining..." Carla looks up cautiously.

"It's not gonna rain." David sighs exasperatedly. "The sun is beating down."

"Yeah I know I can feel it." Norris mutters.

"Actually I think you'll find that it's common for sudden climate change to occur in a jungle." Steve informs them and Carla gives him and Michelle a weird look.

"He's got this book on the Amazon Rainforest." Michelle rolls her eyes.

"If we're in the Amazon Rainforest, we'll never get out." David warns them.

"Why isn't Roy here?" Carla whines. "We literally have a group of the thickest people on the street."

"Ah thanks." Michelle nudges her.

"Seriously though, all we need is Kirk and we'd be sorted." She shrugs.

"The best thing to do when stranded is to repopulate." Steve continues which receives a withering look from Michelle.

"Babe I get that we haven't had sex in a week but now really isn't the time." She groans.

"We're not doing that anyway." Carla screws her nose up. "I'm stuck with David."

"Yeah well you do have a thing for brother-in-laws so..." Michelle trails off.

"He's not my brother-in-law." She snaps.

"Sorry." Michelle corrects herself. "Future brother-in-law."

"...Not at this rate." She grumbles.

"Can I ask?" Norris raises his hand. "Why I'm not included in this repopulation strategy?"

"...Keep walking." Steve points to the path and they continue to walk in silence.

* * *

Over in the other group, Nick is leading people in a random direction.

"Do you have any clue of where we're going?" Tracy hisses, not far behind him.

"No." He responds. "But if you've got any better ideas then feel free-"

"I'm starving." Jason groans. "Where's Roy's Rolls when you need it."

"I think our main essential is water right now." Kate tells him. "Bacon butties won't keep our stamina up for long."

"I could kill for one of Roy's breakfast muffins." Jason continues, blanking her slightly.

"I forgot to peg the washing out." Gail moans. "I put it on overnight and I was supposed to do it this morning..."

"Damn, what will we do now?" Nick asks, sarcastically.

"Tragedy strikes." Tracy rolls her eyes. "My legs ache."

"Oh will you all just shut up?" Nick almost yells. "We're all hungry and thirsty and achy and... Annoyed about forgetting to put the washing out. But we just need to focus on trying to get out of here."

"Will we get out of here though?" Kate asks. "It's all a bit weird don't you think?"

"No." Tracy says sarcastically. "Actually I was thinking this was very normal. This happens every day to me."

"Nothing normal happens to you." Jason mutters. "Hey, at least if we need food, we have a murderer between us."

"A murderer?" Kate's eyes widen, looking at Tracy in shock.

"Yeah and you'll be first on the list Jason if you don't shut up." She threatens.

* * *

"So say it comes down to it." Steve pipes up eventually to the opposing group. "Who do we eat first?"

"Steve!" Michelle slaps him lightly. "Trust you to think about food."

"It's a serious question." He persists. "Who would we sacrifice?"

"Norris." Carla responds and he shoots her a worried glance.

"Me?" He frets.

"Nah, he'd only feed one of us." David scoffs. "Not enough of him to go round."

"Well I vote Steve because his belly could feed the lot of us." Michelle shrugs.

"OI!" Steve elbows her sharply.

"At least you two have got each other." Carla mutters. "David hasn't got Kylie and I haven't got Nick."

"And I never have anyone so..." Norris adds but he is ignored yet again.

"Oh yeah because I'm so looking forward to squeezing in a cheeky bit of action behind the bonsai tree." Michelle retorts.

"You've been reading my book." Steve narrows his eyes.

"No Steve love, I haven't touched your precious book." She sighs exasperatedly.

"Has anyone got any water?" Norris interjects the conversation.

"If we did, I think we'd have taken a sip by now." David strides on, tearing his way through the forest by whacking things with a long stick.

"Can you watch what you're doing with that thing?" Carla snaps, as he almost hits her with it. "You'll take someone's eye out."

"Ey up." Steve suddenly raises his voice, pointing to where there was a clearing in the jungle. There were three hammocks, several logs to sit on, a camp fire set out in the middle and ten folded piles of clothes.

"...Is this some sort of game?" Michelle whispers slowly as they all observe the scene in front of them.

* * *

"Does anyone have the time?" Gail asks and Jason checks his pockets for his phone.

"Wait... Where's my mobile?" He asks, panicking as he searched his pockets again.

"It's not like you'll have signal anyway." Nick scoffs.

"Yeah but it was expensive that." Jason argues. "Plus I want to know the time too."

"Ugh, for God's sake." Tracy goes to get her phone out of her inside pocket, but equally finds that it cannot be found. "Hold on, mines gone too."

"And mine." Kate checks her rucksack.

"You haven't got water in there have you?" Gail whines.

"If I had water I think I would have said by now." She reminds her. "Seriously though... My wallet isn't here either."

"Wait yeah my wallet has gone too." Nick suddenly panics. "Someone's taken our stuff."

"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Jason yells in frustration.

"Is that Jason?" David asks his group and they all look round in confusion. "JASON?"

"...That's David." Nick turns to Gail as they approach the clearing. It takes them a few seconds to come to terms with what is in front of them before the groups lay eyes on one another.

"NICK?" Carla yells, running towards him.

"Woah!" David tries to hold her back but she's already gone. "YOU STUPID IDIOT WHY DID YOU JUST CROSS THAT?"

"I was so worried." Nick sighs as she throws herself into his arms.

"Kate?" Michelle narrows her eyes before equally walking into the centre to be greeted by her cousin. "What are you doing here?" She asks, wrapping her in a hug.

"David!" Gail smiles, going to hug her son as everyone walks into the clearing.

"Uh... No." He pushes her backwards slightly. "No, no, no."

"Brilliant!" Tracy exclaims sarcastically. "So now we're joined by Cruella, the nosy elf, my ex husband, his floozy and yet another Platt. Just as I thought things couldn't get worse."

"Is this your idea of a surprise?" Carla suddenly hits Nick hard in the chest before throwing her arms around him again.

"Ey?" He frowns.

"Yesterday we were talking about pissing jungles and now look where we are." She yells.

"...Have you managed to walk through the jungle in those heels?" Jason suddenly questions her and she gives him a look.

"I had nothing to do with this." Nick ignores him, turning back to his girlfriend.

"This is you and your stupid rainforest book this is." Michelle scolds Steve.

"No... I think I had something to do with this." Tracy suddenly establishes. "Yesterday I was slagging off this artefact from some jungle that we'd had brought into the shop."

"What so some sort of spiritual... Jungle fairy has banished us to here?" Kate raises her eyebrows, her eyes resting on something in the centre of the clearing.

"Wait, Max was telling us that he wanted to make us disappear." Gail points out. "Do you remember David? He said he wanted us to go far far away."

"Mum, this isn't a fairytale." David snaps.

"Ok all just shut up a moment." Kate raises her voice and everyone turns to look at her. "It's a note." She holds it up. "Welcome to 'I'm From Weatherfield - Get Me Out Of Here'. You have all been transported to Springbrook National Park overnight, to compete against each other for the crown."

"Ohh, what a load of shit." Tracy shakes her head.

"The ten of you will camp out in the jungle, taking on challenges in order to receive luxuries throughout the next few weeks." Kate continues. "You will have to work as a team, but also against one another in order to be the winner of this competition. Ant and Dec."

"...Ant and Dec?" Norris' eyes widen at the sudden mention of a celebrity.

"Are you having us on?" Steve asks and Kate shakes her head.

"I wish I was." She mutters and there is a long silence.

"Haha..." Carla finally pipes up, moving away from Nick to observe the camp, hands on her hips. "...No... No, if they think I'm spending one more second here then they can think again..."

"Carla..." Nick trails off.

"No way!" She yells at him. "Absolutely not a chance! This is my worst nightmare!"

"Well I don't really think it's anyone's dream come true." Tracy glares at her. "Stuck in a camp with you for weeks."

"It's dirty. It stinks. It's too hot." Carla lists, fury emanating from her. "I don't do camping. I do five star hotels. Ew, no way."

"Yeah sorry, I'm with Carla on this one." Michelle pulls a face. "I'm not slumming it here, no chance."

"Well you would be with Carla wouldn't you?" Tracy spits. "You're always with Carla on everything."

"Oh don't start." Michelle hisses fiercely.

"HOW ABOUT I DON'T WANT A CROWN?" Carla shouts and everyone is taken aback, no one had ever seen her this panicked, this angry. "I WANT TO GO HOME!"

"Babe, calm down." Nick reassures her, approaching her slowly.

"NO!" She yells. "NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN BECAUSE-"

"Welcome to 'I'm From Weatherfield Get Me Out Of Here!'" A cheerful voice sounds and everyone turns to face the two men walking towards them. "How are we all feeling?"

"...Oh yeah. Great." David rolls his eyes.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Michelle questions.

"I need a wee." Gail inserts.

"It's good to see that you all arrived safely." Dec greets them, as if they hadn't objected to anything. "I'm assuming you've read the letter. You're all here for your own reasons, we wanted to see whether you were up for the challenge so overnight we transported you here, to take part in our new version of our reality competition."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: I'm From Weatherfield, Get Me Out Of Here**

"Ok." Carla holds her hands up. "Enough of the kidding around mate. What do you want? I own a business, tons of women's underwear if you want that."

"Oh yeah about that." Ant remembers. "We've put Sally Webster in charge of your job."

"...REALLY?" She yells.

"Ey, what about my dad and brother?" Kate puts her hands on her hips.

"Don't worry they still have their jobs." Dec promises her. "We're not out to destroy your lives."

"Could've fooled me." Norris pipes up. "What about my shop? Folk depend on me to provide them with newspapers."

"Yeah and I own a restaurant." Nick chips in.

"And our pub." Steve points out. "It's the most important building on the street. We'll be low on workers now."

"Yeah and I own a very successful pawn shop." Tracy folds her arms.

"Charity shop." Michelle corrects before turning to Ant and Dec. "And it's not successful."

"Hey!" Tracy yells before she is cut off.

"It's all under control." Ant reassures them. "I can promise you that all of your lives back at home are in tact."

"...What about my job?" Gail whines. "I clean toilets... What if there's no bog roll left for the customers?"

"Maybe we should leave you in this jungle." David glares at her.

"But David!" She exclaims. "I didn't bleach the toilets."

"Mum." Nick places a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure that's not the staff's biggest concern."

"Moving on." Dec claps his hands. "We've laid you all out some sets of clothes that will suit whatever weather the jungle throws at you-"

"What brand are these?" Carla holds up a pair of red cotton shorts, pulling a face in disgust.

"I need a wee." Gail inserts.

"You also each have one of your home comforts or something essential that you will need in the jungle." He goes on to explain. "Michelle you have your favourite perfume, Norris you have your binoculars, Kate you have your mums necklace, Jason you have your hair gel, Carla you have your razor, David you have your teddy bear. Steve you have Rover's collar, Tracy you have one of Amy's paintings and Gail, you have a photo of Michael."

"I don't have a teddy bear..." David gives a shifty look. "Anyway, why does she need a picture of Michael?"

"Where is it?" Gail asks searching her pile of clothes.

"You could have given me some deodorant, a toothbrush, maybe even a packet of biscuits." Tracy whines. "One of my daughters paintings? What am I gonna do with that?"

"It's supposed to give you comfort." Steve argues. "Like Rover's collar will with me."

"Hold on." Tracy glares at him. "Amy's your daughter too so that means technically you get two 'comforts'. How is that fair?"

"I don't think any of this is fair." Jason reminds her.

"I need a wee." Gail pipes up.

"Michelle gets perfume? Carla gets a razor?" Tracy continues. "I get a pissing painting."

"You haven't got the cord for my binoculars." Norris tells them. "It's supposed to have a cord so they can go round my neck."

"Shame." Kate rolls her eyes.

"I really need a wee." Gail persists.

"I'm quite satisfied with having perfume." Michelle shrugs.

"How can you use the word 'satisfied' when we're stuck in this dump?" Carla asks her.

"David I need a wee." Gail elbows him and he glares at her.

"I don't wear flat shoes." Carla points to the pair of trainers.

"Well feel free to keep those heels on." Dec says. "But you might find it tricky."

"What do we eat?" Steve grumbles.

"Beans and rice." They confirm and everyone pulls a face. "Unless you do well in your bush tucker trials in which case you'll earn, as we said earlier, luxuries."

"I'm assuming by 'luxuries' you don't mean caviar and satin shirts from Harvey Nick's." Carla places her hands on her hips.

"Unfortunately no." Ant apologises. "However I can assure you that you will be trying some very different things whilst you're in here."

"I can assure you I won't." Tracy mutters.

"Anyway, in the mean time, we'll leave you to get settled." Dec waves them off before anyone could retaliate.

The ten candidates stand full of shock and confusion in the middle of the jungle.

"What the hell are we gonna do?" Michelle finally asks.

"What is there we can do?" Nick responds.

"...I really really need a wee." Gail whimpers.

"GO IN A BUSH THEN!" David yells.

"What if I accidentally spray a... Snake or something and it gets angry at me?" She frets, looking around cautiously.

"Then that's one less irritating grid to have to put up with for the next few weeks." Tracy rolls her eyes.

* * *

"Carla, you might want to get changed sweetheart." Nick sighs, as she paces round in circles. "You'll boil to death in those clothes."

"Right now I'd happily boil to death." She retorts.

"Come here." He rises, holding out his arms.

"Well that won't help will it?" She raises her eyebrows.

"Carla." He gives her a look and she reluctantly walks towards him. He could tell she was almost in tears and didn't dare break in front of anyone but him and Michelle.

"Oh great, public display of affection." Tracy rolls her eyes. "Just what we need."

"Just because Robert's not here." Jason sighs.

"Yeah well Kylie isn't here either and I'm not complaining." David retaliates.

"At least you've got your brother." Norris points out. "And mum."

"Oh bully for me." David says sarcastically. "I'm all set then."

"I don't have Michael either remember." Gail frowns and everyone groans.

"You are aware that Michael is with my mum now right?" Jason asks her.

"Still my husband." She sulks.

"I'm so hungry." Jason diverts the subject.

"You've already eaten both mine and your portions of that rice thingy." Carla glares at him.

"We're back." Michelle greets as she approaches the camp with Kate and Steve, who were carrying armfuls of fire wood.

"We bring goodies." Kate grins, which receives several glares.

"Is that supposed to be funny?" Tracy snaps and Kate shrugs, dumping the firewood on the floor.

"You'll be grateful for it later on." She tells them.

"Who are you? Bear Grylls?" Tracy argues. "Aren't you that little princess that works in the factory?"

"I used to go camping a lot with dad when we were living in Spain." She explains. "Showed me all the ins and outs of living in the wild."

"What a lovely story..." Tracy mutters.

"Oh well at least you'll come in useful then." Norris points at her, kicking plants aside with his shoe. "Unlike the rest of these youngsters."

"Oh and what purpose are you playing in this?" Michelle scoffs. "We're the ones who have just been off to get wood."

"...Don't they have a phone I can use?" Carla huffs. "I need to call Sally and tell her we need that Dolman order out by three."

"Yeah, I've heard the reception here is great." David drones.

"Well I'm kind of enjoying this little adventure." Gail beams, who was exploring the outskirts of the clearing. "Bit more exciting than my usual everyday life."

"Thanks..." David nods sarcastically.

* * *

"Carla wants you all to say you won't laugh at her." Nick sighs, walking back into camp after practically forcing his girlfriend into the more suitable clothing they had been provided with.

"Can't promise anything." Tracy shrugs, despite the fact everyone was wearing pretty much the same thing.

"I'm being serious." He persists and she pulls a face.

"Fine." She mutters.

"Carla?" He yells and she emerges slowly from the wooden shelter which had several toilets inside.

"I look like some sort of zookeeper." She whines.

"You look beautiful." Nick argues.

"Oh give it a break." Tracy rolls her eyes.

"You haven't said that to me yet." Michelle nudges Steve.

"Well you haven't said it to me either." He points out and she laughs.

"The contrast in relationships." Jason sits on a log with his head in his hands, chipping away at a piece of wood.

"I still can't believe we're here." Norris pokes at the ground with a stick.

"Well I'm gonna start making a camp fire." Kate sighs, making a pile of wood. "Maybe we can find some nuts or something to roast over the flames."

"Ok calm down Jamie Oliver." Tracy mutters.

"Got any more names to fire at me?" She asks. "...No pun intended."

"Maybe Tracy should be making the fire." Carla chips in. "We know how good she is at making those. Got any candles anyone? No?"

"Oh shut up." Tracy spits.

"Ok stop it." David orders. "Both of you, digs and arguments aren't gonna get us anywhere."

"I don't think anything's gonna get us anywhere." Michelle points out.

"Yeah may as well get a free show while we're slumming it here." Steve shrugs, which receives a light slap off Michelle.

"So are they actually keeping us in this jungle?" Gail asks.

"No, they're sending us to a spa tomorrow." David rolls his eyes.

"They're serious aren't they?" Jason suddenly realises. "Like we're actually stuck here?"

They exchange looks with one another, some full of worry, some full of excitement.

"Well..." Michelle shrugs, standing to help Kate. "We'd best start pulling together then."


End file.
